I can’t believe what I just read… Wait I wrote that?

I have been considering a re-release of my first book.  The autobiography that I wrote a few years ago was originally written with a purpose and profit was not on the agenda.  Since then I have written a lot – well over 40 pieces and after some gentle pushing from friends, I am close to a decision.  I spent the weekend reading through the first release and it obviously brought up some very difficult memories.  As I read through it, I thought about what to add and what to clarify.

There are some things in the book that were very difficult to write about and I chose not to be too detailed about certain experiences for a couple of reasons.  The first was obvious.  What happened to me was criminal and expressing the details may be too difficult to read and I didn’t want it to be misinterpreted as a sick smut rag.  The second was who this book was “really” written for.  It was an explanation to those close to me and the details were not as important as the overall message I was trying to convey.

Looking back at it a few years later, I realized that some of the details should be included.  The vividness I see everyday after 30 plus years should be a vivid reminder of how people can be manipulative and selfish and how that selfishness can drive certain people to commit unspeakable acts.  IT is also important to add a few more current details to the book as new events have had a profound impact on my life.

My last blog post received more feedback than I expected and while most of it was very supportive, I also noticed that curiosity was influencing the comments.  Most do not know my story so providing an opinion on whether or not to re-release the book was based on perception and their personal interests.  Some of the feedback which I chose not to approve was more focused on the graphic details and less on the message I want to send.

Which brings me to this. After reading the book from cover to cover… for the 100th time… yes, there are pieces missing.  Yes, the story is not a pleasant one… and yes, It is somewhat graphic.  What I realized however is this; I realized the book has new meaning for me.  I was looking for something and wanted to convey a message, but looking back at it now, that message was incomplete.

So I have decided to re-arrange and republish my story.  It is important to me that the new experiences in my life are part of the story and that the book delivers the “real” message I am striving for.  I am not sure it will be the crossover book I am looking for to move from an erotic story-teller to a traditional fiction writer, but I am not sure if that is important anymore.

I will keep you posted on the progress.
Wish me luck… and as always, thank you for the support.

4 thoughts on “I can’t believe what I just read… Wait I wrote that?”

  1. That has to be tough, going back and having to relive the memories. It has to be just as hard reading the book again as it was writing it in the first place. I think it’s brave of you to be able to rise above that pain and put the message at the forefront. Plus, as much as I don’t want to validate or excuse those experiences, I think a story that comes from the heart – darkness and all – carries so much more weight than a bit of erotic fluff.

  2. Tell the whole story. Don’t leave out the details – especially if you want the reader to understand the pain and anguish you experienced. Good luck.

  3. You probably already read my email, but I think everyone else should read it too.

    I just finished reading the book and there are a few things I want to point out. First I loved the dedication and the chapter you talked to me about. I know it was hard to write and yet you were able to tell it without giving too much away. Thank you for continuing to protect me. As for the rest, I thought it was great. I knew taking the journal entries out and only including specific ones would do the trick. I also liked the new arrangement. I had my copy of the first edition and tried matching it up and the new arrangement made it an entirely new book. There were some aspects where you hopped around, but I think this was based on the chapter it was in and made sense after I read the chapter.

    I think your idea of giving this away is not a great of an idea, but thats not up to me. I will say that the audiobook version you have on the site made the book very interesting for someone who hadn;t read it. My new squeeze listened to it and really enjoyed it too.

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