Tag Archives: Confusion

RE-Release: Am I Still The Victim

As many of you know, I have decided to re-release my autobiography.  For fans of my books, this is not exactly what you might be expecting.  I initially planned to make this free to everyone on the web site, but thanks to some very creative people, I had to remove it – so instead, I have opened it up on KindleUnlimited.

I also had a few friends ask for autographed copies, which was very strange, but I am happy to oblige.   Ifyou are interested in a signed paperback copy, let me know by e-mailing me at mcQuestgend@gmail.com.  I will make the arrangements with you personally and have it shipped discreetly.

Thanks again to all of my supporters and stay tuned for more from me in the months to come.

AM I STILL THE VICTIM
2nd Edition

Am I Still The Victim is the true story about my life and a difficult story to tell. It took thirty plus years to write and up until now, only been shared with those closest to me. As time went on, I developed some private friendships with others like me and decided to share it in hopes that it can help others who struggle with some of the things I have dealt with over the years.

Don’t misunderstand… this is not a self help book or a self esteem builder. For me, writing this book and reading it was the wake up call and the constant reminder of how good things can be perverted into something horrible. This is a 2nd Edition of this book as new events have taken place and a new outlook that I felt was important enough to add to this piece. It has been my hope to find closure by writing this book, but instead, I found something else. Something more meaningful and motivating that can open new opportunities for me to move forward instead of looking for ways to forget the past.

The story is not only graphic, but it deals with adult situations. Situations that some would consider wrong, inappropriate, abusive and criminal. It has never been my intention to call out the guilty. It serves no purpose for me now. My experiences educated me and my hope is that readers find answers they may be looking for – even those who are simply looking for the answer to the question, “Am I being entertained.”

 

 

Calm After the Storm

It’s been a few days and my biography is out for the world to read.  I admit that the last few weeks have been very difficult emotionally.  It became hard to concentrate on anything else except the book.  Now that it is out, I feel a sense of relief, but also a little bit of fear.

How will the book be received?  Writing it for a small number of close people is scary, because there is a closeness to those people and having them learn a deep dark secret can jeopardize that closeness; but releasing it to the world can bring out different opinions.  It can bring out additional support which is always welcomed, but it can bring out those who read the book for a different reason and the reason ties to feelings that are tough to hear.

Some may read the book and while empathetic, some readers may view me and my choices in a way that makes me out to be a self abuser.  Others may simply look at the acts and feel “entertained.”  Both are fine with me to a point, but the anticipation of getting these comments has me in all too familiar territory… scared and curled up in the corner.

While the fear is there, the one thing that has dominated the last few days since the books release is a great sense of calm and satisfaction… and inspiration.  My close friends and I have talked frequently about moving my writing to a more “conventional” genre.  I have played with the idea of writing a more traditional romance, or suspense novel.  Following my familiar steps of putting ideas down on paper, I realized the ideas, seemed dull without a mysterious twist of gender bending.    The idea of having a hero or anti-hero that has “her” own internal struggles added to the plot and for me made the storyline more relatable.

The one thing I wanted to try and move away from – at least a little bit – was the focus on the sex.  I tried this with my latest fiction novel “My Perfect Partner” and the three short story bundle “Handle with Care.”  I added more to the plot and gave the characters more substance, but used the transgender aspects as leverage in the stories.  What I learned is that I think I found the style of writing that was not only exciting but well received.

While I would enjoy more feedback, I have come to realize that it just isn’t going to come.  What I can draw off of are the unit sales and page turns of KDP and now my web site.

So, now I find myself excited about the future of my writing.  Will I continue to write erotic tales? YOU BET!  Will I step out a bit further and try something more traditional or conventional? Sure.  I hope you will come along for the ride and find my writing enjoyable… and if not, close the book and pick up a different one.

 

I can’t believe what I just read… Wait I wrote that?

I have been considering a re-release of my first book.  The autobiography that I wrote a few years ago was originally written with a purpose and profit was not on the agenda.  Since then I have written a lot – well over 40 pieces and after some gentle pushing from friends, I am close to a decision.  I spent the weekend reading through the first release and it obviously brought up some very difficult memories.  As I read through it, I thought about what to add and what to clarify.

There are some things in the book that were very difficult to write about and I chose not to be too detailed about certain experiences for a couple of reasons.  The first was obvious.  What happened to me was criminal and expressing the details may be too difficult to read and I didn’t want it to be misinterpreted as a sick smut rag.  The second was who this book was “really” written for.  It was an explanation to those close to me and the details were not as important as the overall message I was trying to convey.

Looking back at it a few years later, I realized that some of the details should be included.  The vividness I see everyday after 30 plus years should be a vivid reminder of how people can be manipulative and selfish and how that selfishness can drive certain people to commit unspeakable acts.  IT is also important to add a few more current details to the book as new events have had a profound impact on my life.

My last blog post received more feedback than I expected and while most of it was very supportive, I also noticed that curiosity was influencing the comments.  Most do not know my story so providing an opinion on whether or not to re-release the book was based on perception and their personal interests.  Some of the feedback which I chose not to approve was more focused on the graphic details and less on the message I want to send.

Which brings me to this. After reading the book from cover to cover… for the 100th time… yes, there are pieces missing.  Yes, the story is not a pleasant one… and yes, It is somewhat graphic.  What I realized however is this; I realized the book has new meaning for me.  I was looking for something and wanted to convey a message, but looking back at it now, that message was incomplete.

So I have decided to re-arrange and republish my story.  It is important to me that the new experiences in my life are part of the story and that the book delivers the “real” message I am striving for.  I am not sure it will be the crossover book I am looking for to move from an erotic story-teller to a traditional fiction writer, but I am not sure if that is important anymore.

I will keep you posted on the progress.
Wish me luck… and as always, thank you for the support.