Tag Archives: frustration

#StopTheIgnorance – Transgender does not equal Drag Queen

I’ve been neglecting my web site for a while and I am sorry about that… Busy time this holiday season, but this time of the year tends to bring out more of the depression in people one emotion also tends to bring out other emotions and opinions – even those people want to try and keep hidden.

I keep tabs on Twitter and Facebook and other sites to stay informed and I always seem to find ignorance – especially about the transgender community.  You notice I said the transgender community and not the entire LGBTQ community.  The main reason is that the LGB portion of the community has become more accepted.  Why not the Transgender?

I follow someone on Twitter who described a perfect example of ignorance that just bothered the hell out of me.  If we have to use labels fine, but make sure you understand the label FIRST.  Don’t make assumptions without understanding.

We all want to be happy.  Well most of us anyway.  That happiness is different for each person, but the perception to most of the ignorant is that happiness is based on a static number of items… Home, Family and Money. Transgender persons want the same things, but the road to happiness is not based on static items.

The biggest challenge of course is CHANGE.  If we met someone for the first time and never knew they were transgender, we probably wouldn’t question, suspect or even care; but when we know the person and the changes begin to take affect, the fear and perception of the visible image brings out some very difficult and unwarranted feelings.  This is unfortunate and forces many in the Transgender community into hiding or worse to give up.  It is the strongest in the community we look up to and admire and rely on for answers and support.

Transgender does NOT equal gay, lesbian, drag queen, queer or any other label you can think of.  Transgender actually equals PEOPLE!  People who laugh, cry and love like all of us and choose to be happy like most of us.  The focus on the physical attributes makes you an ignorant bigot – no different from those who expressed their bigotry about other races and other genders – we don’t live in the 1900’s anymore.

To those who do not understand or fear these great people… GROW THE FUCK UP AND REMEMBER THEY ARE PEOPLE TOO!

 

Hate what you understand

Being in the closet, I am probably not the best person to have a viewpoint on those who choose to live their life “exposed” to the world, but as a human being and an intelligent one at that, I have become very observant and what I saw this week – while not something I hadn’t seen before – was unforgivable.

During my years in confining spaces, I occasionally would venture out to see the world with another pair of eyes… looking for inspiration, gratification and maybe a little confirmation that I could pull it off.  What I also found was fear.  Fear of what would happen if I were caught, discovered or outed.  So while my outings were more successful, they were also very lonely and that is what I saw yesterday morning.  What I also saw was fear and hate.  Hate directed at what people feared because they didn’t understand.

I often get up before the sun does and usually do my grocery shopping since I it’s quiet and I usually don’t have to stand in line.  I got up and headed to the store and usually run into the same workers and a few of the same shoppers.  One in particular was a young transgender woman.  I see her all the time and learned a lot about her without actually speaking to her.  She was transgender (as evident from her mannerisms and appearance) and worked late nights as a customer service rep or telemarketer (this was due to the badge she wore from a company I have done business with).  Now don’t misinterpret my observation skills for stalking – the more you see someone them more you pick up on certain clues.  What confirmed my suspicions was her voice.  It was deep than most of the women I knew.  I consider myself somewhat friendly especially when people are friendly to me, but I can be a total bitch when I need to.  This young lady and I almost never spoke except for the occasional “good morning” and “excuse me”.

Anyway, yesterday I spotted her as I was marking things off the grocery list.  she was at a distance and I quickly dismissed her as I moved down another aisle.  As I was picking things off the shelf, I noticed one of the “stockers” coming down the aisle to speak with another employee.

“Hey, did you see that fag down in produce?” one of them said.

“Yeah that tranny comes in here all the time.” the other said, “He can’t come in here during the day so he gets all dressed up to come here at night.”

When I heard that, I tried to let it go and continued with my shopping, but deep down I was seething.  I moved down a couple more aisles and eventually the young woman and I met up in the bread aisle.  I greeted her as I greet everyone who comes close… with a quick and subtle “Good morning.” she reciprocated and went on with the rest of our shopping.  When I finished up, I decided to make it clear that I was unhappy with how uncomfortable I felt listening to these two talking about one of their valued shoppers, but I didn’t get the chance.  As I turned into the lane to pay for my full basket, I turn and watched the two workers following the young woman who was now crying as she dropped her small handheld basket and left the store.

I quickly told the cashier to forget ringing anything up and I would return shortly.  I walked over to the men who had now picked up the basket she had and took it from them.  I walked to the same cashier and asked her to ring up the ten items she had in the basket.  When she asked if I was going to pay for the items in my basket, I told her that I wouldn’t be and I would return in a few minutes to  talk with the manager.

I walked out of the store with two bags and headed to the bus stop where I saw her sitting and trying to recover.  I told her that I saw what happened and took care of her groceries.  While I initially refused to let her pay me the twenty six dollars, I could tell she was very independent and would feel worse for accepting a handout.  I went to shake her hand and instead got a hug from her.  I then walked back into the store.

The store owner who I had seen dozens of times was waiting for me and I explained to him what I saw and he assured me that he would take care of it.  I explained to him that disciplining the workers is not the only issue and he should educate them instead.  Then the manager said something I couldn’t believe.

“Educate them?  What do you mean?” he asked.

Apparently, I didn’t explain myself clearly enough.  I tried to keep the young woman’s dignity in tact by referring to her as a woman, but the store owner either never understood or was so naive that he never took stock in his regular customers.

“The woman is transgender and the workers had no right to treat her the way they did.” I explained.

The store owner took a moment to formulate a response and said, “I will talk with them about this.  I do want you to know that we do reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.”

I couldn’t believe it.  He missed the entire point.  I thought about saying – you can refuse service to anyone you like.  What you can’t do is put people in fear or danger by verbally abusing them.

That is what I wanted to say, but instead I stooped to his level and said, “Well then add me to the list, because I won’t be coming back.”

I shopped at this tiny little grocery store because it took me back to my younger days was welcoming with a family atmosphere – or so I thought.  I don’t know if “Tracy” will continue to shop there, but I certainly won’t be back.

If you are going to hate something then hate what you understand and not what you fear.  I once thought hate should be removed, but realized that it cannot be.  We often look to hate because we fear being harmed in some way, which is misguided.  I have learned that there are things I hate and people no matter who they are – are not something to hate.

You can hate a lot of things.  Poverty, anxiety, depression even stupidity, but don’t hate those that resemble these things… understand that these individuals have made choices in their lives that should be respected… not feared and not hated.

RE-Release: Am I Still The Victim

As many of you know, I have decided to re-release my autobiography.  For fans of my books, this is not exactly what you might be expecting.  I initially planned to make this free to everyone on the web site, but thanks to some very creative people, I had to remove it – so instead, I have opened it up on KindleUnlimited.

I also had a few friends ask for autographed copies, which was very strange, but I am happy to oblige.   Ifyou are interested in a signed paperback copy, let me know by e-mailing me at mcQuestgend@gmail.com.  I will make the arrangements with you personally and have it shipped discreetly.

Thanks again to all of my supporters and stay tuned for more from me in the months to come.

AM I STILL THE VICTIM
2nd Edition

Am I Still The Victim is the true story about my life and a difficult story to tell. It took thirty plus years to write and up until now, only been shared with those closest to me. As time went on, I developed some private friendships with others like me and decided to share it in hopes that it can help others who struggle with some of the things I have dealt with over the years.

Don’t misunderstand… this is not a self help book or a self esteem builder. For me, writing this book and reading it was the wake up call and the constant reminder of how good things can be perverted into something horrible. This is a 2nd Edition of this book as new events have taken place and a new outlook that I felt was important enough to add to this piece. It has been my hope to find closure by writing this book, but instead, I found something else. Something more meaningful and motivating that can open new opportunities for me to move forward instead of looking for ways to forget the past.

The story is not only graphic, but it deals with adult situations. Situations that some would consider wrong, inappropriate, abusive and criminal. It has never been my intention to call out the guilty. It serves no purpose for me now. My experiences educated me and my hope is that readers find answers they may be looking for – even those who are simply looking for the answer to the question, “Am I being entertained.”