Tag Archives: transgender

RE-Release: Am I Still The Victim

As many of you know, I have decided to re-release my autobiography.  For fans of my books, this is not exactly what you might be expecting.  I initially planned to make this free to everyone on the web site, but thanks to some very creative people, I had to remove it – so instead, I have opened it up on KindleUnlimited.

I also had a few friends ask for autographed copies, which was very strange, but I am happy to oblige.   Ifyou are interested in a signed paperback copy, let me know by e-mailing me at mcQuestgend@gmail.com.  I will make the arrangements with you personally and have it shipped discreetly.

Thanks again to all of my supporters and stay tuned for more from me in the months to come.

AM I STILL THE VICTIM
2nd Edition

Am I Still The Victim is the true story about my life and a difficult story to tell. It took thirty plus years to write and up until now, only been shared with those closest to me. As time went on, I developed some private friendships with others like me and decided to share it in hopes that it can help others who struggle with some of the things I have dealt with over the years.

Don’t misunderstand… this is not a self help book or a self esteem builder. For me, writing this book and reading it was the wake up call and the constant reminder of how good things can be perverted into something horrible. This is a 2nd Edition of this book as new events have taken place and a new outlook that I felt was important enough to add to this piece. It has been my hope to find closure by writing this book, but instead, I found something else. Something more meaningful and motivating that can open new opportunities for me to move forward instead of looking for ways to forget the past.

The story is not only graphic, but it deals with adult situations. Situations that some would consider wrong, inappropriate, abusive and criminal. It has never been my intention to call out the guilty. It serves no purpose for me now. My experiences educated me and my hope is that readers find answers they may be looking for – even those who are simply looking for the answer to the question, “Am I being entertained.”

 

 

Time to retire titles in the bookstore

As the direction of my writing moves back and forth, I had to make room on the author page at Amazon.  As a result, some of my older stories are going to be retired.  They won’t be gone forever, and may resurface as part of a bundle set in the future, but some titles are going to move to my private bookshelf.  They will of course remain here on my web site and if you are interested in these particular pieces, let me know and I can make them available.  I know it is not common to do this – most writers put stories out there and leave them out there forever, but I am so emotionally attached to these stories, that I prefer to keep them close to me and to my true fans.

So with that said, the following titles will be removed from the Amazon bookstore on August 31st.  Until then, they are currently available for 99 cents or Free on KindleUnlimited.  Pick up your copies before they are gone.

Desires and Risks… Tough choices for #girlslikeus

decisions… DecisionsDECISIONS.

The thoughts of the last few days have created a quandary for me.  I released a new book that has gotten some very nice reviews so far, which is obviously rare for the genre I write about.  What’s strange this one is that it brings me to a crossroads.  I started writing because I needed a release and it was very therapeutic.  It eventually became a drug and very addictive, but more for the motivating stories that popped into my head and less about the sexual gratification.

In the past, this usually came full circle.  Depression, therapy, motivation, gratification then back again.  The hard part now is that I want more.  My friends have suggested that I crossover from a smut writer to a more “traditional” fiction writer and possibly use my real name.  The thought of moving to the lighter side of fiction was intriguing, but using my real name was terrifying.  Using it meant revealing more than I ever wanted to and could jeopardize my life.

This is not uncommon for anyone living in secret as a transgendered man or woman, but for someone who still feels shame, humiliation, confusion, fear and isolation… it can be overwhelming and can put you on the edge of the blade.  Which brings me to the suggestion that was made recently.

I wrote an autobiography a few years ago as many of you know.  The book was my first and was horribly written because I simply took my journals and threw them together.  I added some graphic memories and tried not to fictionalize them, but after over 30 years, it became difficult to tell a story when pieces of it were missing.  The book didn’t sell and I eventually pulled it off Amazon.

A few months after that, I figured out that Goodreads doesn’t pull books off that easily and it stayed out there for a while creating a little bit of buzz.  The book description prompted a number of questions and direct messages from the LGBTQ community, weirdos and parents asking where they could get a copy of it.  I didn’t feel comfortable at the time and chose instead to respond to each request individually – hoping I could answer the real questions without giving up too much of myself.

After the release of this latest novel My Perfect Partner, a great friend made a comment that the book had some true life experiences that I shared with her; and another friend who has been a great mentor and inspiration to me as a writer suggested I revise the biography and re-release it.  Difficult choices to have that include some risk, but anyone who has skeletons in their closet – whether “normal” or a little bit different – have to deal with risks everyday.

I guess the real question is what to do next.  I work alongside people of all walks of life and those who seem content with their lives are those I tend to shy away from.  I am always looking ahead and trying to be better than I am today.  I am drawn to risk and challenges, but this one is one of the hardest ones to make.

Do I re-release the autobiography?  Do I use my real name?

This may seem like a couple of easy answers… if I am not willing to use my real name, then releasing my autobiography is not that hard of a decision and doesn’t seem like that big of a risk.  The tougher questions are…

Am I considering a re-release to tell the real story or is it just to try and make money?

The money is not really a concern.  If you follow independent writers, you already know they don’t make a lot of money and many don’t write for the financial gain.  The first release as I mentioned was a release for me.  It was a way of talking to someone who was willing to listen and understand.  That someone was my wife, who really never knew about my past in graphic detail.  After she read it, she understood but never really wanted to talk about it again.  That was enough for me, but now I think it may be a good idea to take another stab at it and see if anyone else is willing to offer an opinion.  Whether you are connected to it in some way, for it or against it.  Maybe the story just needs to be told.

What do you think?