It’s been a few days and my biography is out for the world to read. I admit that the last few weeks have been very difficult emotionally. It became hard to concentrate on anything else except the book. Now that it is out, I feel a sense of relief, but also a little bit of fear.
How will the book be received? Writing it for a small number of close people is scary, because there is a closeness to those people and having them learn a deep dark secret can jeopardize that closeness; but releasing it to the world can bring out different opinions. It can bring out additional support which is always welcomed, but it can bring out those who read the book for a different reason and the reason ties to feelings that are tough to hear.
Some may read the book and while empathetic, some readers may view me and my choices in a way that makes me out to be a self abuser. Others may simply look at the acts and feel “entertained.” Both are fine with me to a point, but the anticipation of getting these comments has me in all too familiar territory… scared and curled up in the corner.
While the fear is there, the one thing that has dominated the last few days since the books release is a great sense of calm and satisfaction… and inspiration. My close friends and I have talked frequently about moving my writing to a more “conventional” genre. I have played with the idea of writing a more traditional romance, or suspense novel. Following my familiar steps of putting ideas down on paper, I realized the ideas, seemed dull without a mysterious twist of gender bending. The idea of having a hero or anti-hero that has “her” own internal struggles added to the plot and for me made the storyline more relatable.
The one thing I wanted to try and move away from – at least a little bit – was the focus on the sex. I tried this with my latest fiction novel “My Perfect Partner” and the three short story bundle “Handle with Care.” I added more to the plot and gave the characters more substance, but used the transgender aspects as leverage in the stories. What I learned is that I think I found the style of writing that was not only exciting but well received.
While I would enjoy more feedback, I have come to realize that it just isn’t going to come. What I can draw off of are the unit sales and page turns of KDP and now my web site.
So, now I find myself excited about the future of my writing. Will I continue to write erotic tales? YOU BET! Will I step out a bit further and try something more traditional or conventional? Sure. I hope you will come along for the ride and find my writing enjoyable… and if not, close the book and pick up a different one.